When I was a recent college graduate working for an advertising agency in New York City, a senior production director ignored my instructions on a project. After I went back to see others do it, I asked him to “do it the way I asked yesterday.” Knowing he would be annoyed, I ran back to my department to self-report to my boss. When I arrived, I heard him on the phone say, “Well, why didn’t you do it the way he asked?”
Trust is essential to any successful relationship be it family, friends, or co -workers. In a professional setting, learning who to trust can be particularly challenging because of its potential impact on the economy and career. That is especially true now. As hierarchal organizations allow for more autonomous ways of working, trust is critical. Fewer personal experiences can also be harder to read between the lines.
In his book The Speed of TrustStephen MR Covey describes it this way:
“Trust is a function of two things: character and ability. Character includes your integrity, your motive, your purpose in people. Competency includes your abilities, your skills, your results, your track record. And they’re both important. “
I will add a third part: consistency. Trust is strengthened or weakened based on past behavior. This is an important frame of reference. Together, character, ability, and consistency represent essential elements of trust.
“Trust remains the most important human currency,” ServiceNow CEO Bill McDermott said in a recent video. Although CEOs and other leaders often talk about trust and transparency, employees very often experience something strange. In a recent LinkedIn poll, I asked how often people find that colleagues or managers are untrustworthy and only 3% said never. Fifty -one percent said it five or more times, and the rest said it one to three times. It is noteworthy that the percentages for each category did not vary during the three-day poll, whether there were 20 votes or 200.
Such results are not surprising given the growing number of books that try to help us deal with this fact such as Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them, The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One Who Didn’t, o Office Jerks: A Guide to Characters and How to Deal with Them.
Sadly, I also had to put myself in five or more categories. As someone who prides herself on honesty and transparency, I have learned the hard way that there are few others who prefer to work in the dark. I remember how a former colleague, who was older than me, spread false information about me to the top leaders in our company. I only found out because one of those leaders approached me to give advice. Certainly more than one boss conducted promotions as incentives and never delivered or explained why. And the list goes on.
It’s easy to say don’t trust anyone at work, but often that requires more work and denies us the opportunity to build meaningful relationships. So many close friends wouldn’t be a part of my life if we didn’t meet at work. So how do you strike a balance? Here is some advice:
Be careful
When you start a new role whether in a new organization or in a new team, it’s important to acknowledge your the blank slate is no different. There are people in that group who may like your job or people who have difficulty performing, etc. In other words, you need to understand the scene and the players before testing the waters with confidence. Start small and work slowly.
It may seem silly, but my dog is amazing at it. Take Lucy to a dog park and have her hang out on the side, watching the other dogs before deciding if to play and with whom. He doesn’t rush to pack nor does he try to contact more than one dog at a time. It’s great to find a close friend at work that you can trust, but it’s probably just a few and will last.
Try to understand
I heard former PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi share the advice that “assume positive purpose” years ago and it remained with me. It’s also part of some very effective training I’ve received at Lockheed Martin about having Important Conversations. How often does something happen and do you make up a story in your mind about why it happened, assuming motives may or may not be accurate? What if instead you think of a positive purpose and seek to understand other people’s point of view? Your approach to that conversation will be completely different.
I have seen it work. During my time as a reporter at Bloomberg News, a new colleague joined the team and I started cutting stories. After a few weeks I became even more annoyed, so I invited him for coffee to talk about how we could work together better. He shared that he was trying to prove himself to the editors and joined a well -regarded team. With that understanding, we have developed an amazing partnership that has allowed the two of us to succeed and become trusted friends.
Raise to a neutral party
Not all situations give the above outcome. I tried everything I could to build a better relationship with the person mentioned who was lying about me. Nothing worked. And either his boss or me or our HR representative is willing to address what is an increasingly stressful and exhausting reality. Until I examined them both the situation was investigated, verified, and corrected. Full disclosure here: By the time that happened, I had already decided to leave the company. And that is an unfortunate fact sometimes when working with unreliable and unchecked colleagues; sometimes the best thing you can do is move on.
Be someone you can trust
It’s probably too much to expect that we all set this as a goal and get rid of the problem. But starting with ourselves means we can control the outcome. Are we transparent and inclusive? Do we maintain confidence where appropriate and admit when we make mistakes? If not, what are the situations where we are less than we can handle and how can we learn to react differently?
In the case of my younger self, I learned two lessons in confidence that day. First, the senior production director admitted to my boss that he thought I didn’t know what I was asking for because I was young and inexperienced. Instead of making a unilateral change, he could double-check and discuss it with me. And my boss, who remains a dear friend after all these years, showed me what it means to abandon someone unconditionally.
No business, organization, or group will succeed without trust. Trust leadership, trust business strategy, and trust each other to do the right thing. Everyone is dependent on the other but nothing is as critical as trust in the relationship.
I have often said about leadership: “To lead, you need followers. To have followers, they need to trust you. For you to trust them, they need to know you. ” And hopefully in that process, they will learn you are worthy of their trust.
Anne Marie Squeo is CEO and founder of Proof Communications, a boutique marketing and communications firm, and a former Pulitzer Prize-winning business journalist.